Episode 5: About llamas and boundaries: learning how not to explain ourselves from the llama lady

by | Feb 20, 2020 | Boundaries, Clarity, Communication, Job, Life, The Work | 0 comments

Maybe you already know that I am a huge fan of Byron Katie and „The Work“.
One of my favorite quotes is:
„My name is „Yes“. I love living that way. I say yes to everything. For example, if you ask me to do something for you and I want to, I say yes. If you ask me to do something and I don’t want to, I say no – and that no is a yes to me. I live as an internal yes because I am honoring something inside me that has nothing to do with you.”

Many times in life we feel the need to explain ourselves: may it be in business or in our personal lives. This applies whether it pertains to our belongings or when another person is totally overstepping their boundaries.

Why do we feel this way?

We feel that we have to apologize for ourselves as we don’t want to offend, and also don’t want to be seen as “difficult“. We want the other person to like us so we try not to rock the boat. That’s why a justification or even an apology is usually on the tip of our tongue.

Regarding this I’d love to tell you an experience that made a particularly strong impression on me. I think it is a wonderful example of how to establish healthy boundaries.

I had signed up for a llama walking-tour in the Maas-Schwalm-Nette-Nature Park. On this tour we were literally walking llamas on a leash. During this walk we learned quite a bit about llamas, mainly how jumpy and skittish they are, and that we can’t just touch them due to their sensitivity.

At one point we stopped to eat and we tied the llamas to a tree a little ways away from where we were eating.

Eventually a car drove by, slowed down, and turned around. The occupants of the car had noticed the llamas so they stopped and got out of the car. The entire family started walking toward the llamas with the father in the lead. The owner of the llamas politely asked the man not to do this and to please keep their distance.
The man became unfriendly and asked „Why??!“
The owner answered calmly: “Because I don’t want that.“
Nothing less, nothing more.
The family walked back to their car, well-behaved and drove off.

Just as easy as that?
Yes, definitely – and the owner’s stance was key:
Her statement was clear, not insecure or questioning. She was fully supporting her opinion, so it was obvious that there was no room for discussion, and she stayed calm.
There was no need for justification: She, as the owner, can decide whether others are allowed to approach her animals.

So in some situations it’s quicker, more efficient, and just that easy, to clearly speak our minds – without justifying.

I wish you a wonderful time figuring out your own boundaries and communicating them clearly and friendly.

Be happy & be light

Love Janina

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